If you know me, you know I tend to approach life a bit differently. From washing my hair with mud to brushing my teeth with charcoal, I’ve never been afraid to question the conventional. Parenting my six children is no exception. Over the years, I’ve embraced an unconventional philosophy that shapes how I guide my kids and how we approach education. My journey isn’t a blueprint for everyone, but perhaps by sharing, you’ll find ideas that resonate with your own parenting path.
The Foundation: Respecting Our Children’s Inherent Wisdom
At the core of my parenting philosophy is the belief that children are born as complete, capable beings. They arrive into this world full of curiosity, creativity, and an astonishing ability to problem-solve. I see my role not as someone who molds them into what I think they should be, but as a guide who nurtures what’s already there.
Consider this: in 1968, researchers studied 1,600 preschoolers to see how many displayed traits of creative genius—thinking critically, problem-solving, and innovating. Astonishingly, 98% of them did. But by age 15, that number plummeted to just 12%, and among adults, only 2% still showed those same levels of creativity. The message is clear: children come equipped with these abilities, but society tends to dampen them over time.
From Structure to Connection: A Paradigm Shift
Early on, I was more structured with my older kids. I scheduled, planned, and tried to control outcomes. Over time, though, I realized that this wasn’t serving them—or me. Instead, I shifted toward parenting from a place of trust and connection. Rather than using external motivators like rewards or punishments, I aim to foster intrinsic motivation. When kids understand why something matters, they’re far more likely to adopt positive habits on their own.
Of course, this doesn’t mean abandoning guidance. I’m still here to share my experiences and help them make informed choices. But I strive to respect their emotions and perspectives, recognizing that they are learning how to navigate the world just like the rest of us.
Empowering Autonomy: Food and Emotional Regulation
One surprising example of this approach is how we handle food. I don’t force my kids to eat certain things. Instead, I make nutritious options available at home and trust them to make choices. Yes, they sometimes make mistakes (who doesn’t?), but over time, they learn to recognize what makes their bodies feel good and what doesn’t.
The same applies to emotional regulation. I’ve learned that I can’t force my kids to behave a certain way any more than I can force them to like broccoli. What I can do is model healthy emotional responses, take responsibility for my own triggers, and support them as they learn to manage their feelings.
The Irresistible Allure of the Forbidden
One important lesson I’ve learned? What we forbid often becomes even more enticing. As a teen, I wasn’t allowed to get multiple ear piercings, so naturally, once I was out on my own, I went a little wild with it—33 piercings at one point! That experience has shaped how I approach boundaries with my own kids.
When my teenage daughter asked for a second ear piercing, instead of issuing a flat-out “no,” we had a thoughtful conversation about her reasons, the risks, and the responsibility that came with the decision. The process empowered her to make an informed choice and deepened our connection.
Rethinking Education: A Child-Led Approach
Just as my parenting philosophy evolved, so did my views on education. Traditional schooling, with its rigid structure and external pressures, didn’t feel like the best fit for my kids. Instead, we’ve adopted a more flexible, child-led approach that nurtures their natural curiosity.
Our homeschooling isn’t dictated by strict schedules or standardized tests. Instead, we focus on:
- Encouraging intrinsic motivation
- Letting their interests guide their learning
- Prioritizing practical life skills
Each child’s day looks different. One of my sons devours books weekly, while my daughter recently managed her own bedroom renovation—from design and budgeting to construction (yes, there’s a library with a rolling ladder!). They pursue anatomy, science, and other subjects based on their evolving interests.
Learning Beyond the Classroom
One of our family’s unique traditions is that each child agrees to run a profitable business for a year before they get a phone or car. This real-world experience teaches accountability, leadership, and responsibility far better than any textbook.
We also take plenty of field trips, explore nature, and participate in community activities. Between youth groups, sports, and extracurriculars, my kids have ample opportunities for socialization—and they interact with people of all ages, not just their peers.
Addressing Common Concerns
Many people worry that a less structured, child-led approach might leave gaps in knowledge or discipline. But I’ve found that when kids are trusted to take ownership of their learning, they develop the discipline to pursue knowledge deeply and meaningfully.
The same goes for socialization. Contrary to the common misconception, homeschooled children often have richer social experiences, interacting with a broader age range and diverse communities.
A Tradition of Unconventional Education
Our approach isn’t new, even if it feels radical to some. History is full of brilliant individuals who thrived outside conventional education:
- Thomas Edison was dismissed from traditional school after just three months.
- Alexander Graham Bell was largely self-taught.
- Agatha Christie taught herself to read.
- Abraham Lincoln and Sandra Day O’Connor credited their early self-directed learning for their later success.
What these stories highlight is that real learning isn’t about memorizing facts, but about developing curiosity, critical thinking, and problem-solving skills.
The Heart of It All
Ultimately, this approach requires more intentionality and presence from parents. It means embracing curiosity, being willing to guide rather than control, and trusting our children’s innate capabilities. Though unconventional, I’ve found that the deeper connection and mutual respect we build are more than worth the extra effort.
This journey won’t be the right fit for everyone, but if even one piece resonates with you, I hope it encourages you to explore your own parenting path with an open mind and open heart.
I’d love to hear from you! Has any part of this approach sparked new ideas for your parenting or education journey? Feel free to share your thoughts below.
If you’d like, I can also create a few variations depending on your target audience:
- More conversational blog version
- Polished magazine-style article
- SEO-optimized version for web publishing
Shall I prepare one?
